A photo of someone you love.

This is John. He is my boyfriend. This isn't exactly the best photo of him but I personally chose this picture of him is because, this picture was taken at my party last year and which was also the very first time him & I, met. This boy that came as a plus one/two(?) with a friend of mine to my party looked lost. Honestly, I hardly spoke 100 words to him that whole entire night & he ended up barbeque-ing everyone's dinner. And taught us the Ring Of Fire that got me singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars in the wrong lyrics. We were clearly just strangers, a while later, I don't know, maybe two weeks after my party? We started talking from one night to another and so on. Then he became my boyfriend, well obviously there was alot more of the journey that got us to where we are today.

Psst, if you're reading this, just so you know- I love you so fucking much & most of the time, I can't find the words to describe how much I do.

I think I am still on the lag of year 2010 and time for 2011 is flashing through me. It's almost a month and all it had been was a total blur for me. I'm not sure to like it or not, for the time being. Well I'm pretty sure I'll like it tomorrow, after I go through this short phase where I am overthinking, again.

Yes, I am so sure that I am overthinking so much right now, It's leading me to all the negative thoughts. I'm partially having all the worst feelings in life, I definitely know right now, someone that is involve in my life is lying right in my face, I know I'm about to or maybe already started to let me beat myself down, Every second I feel like I'm about to lose someone I love, I feel like I'm not good enough, I have that feeling where I had this time, last year - alone, sad, depressed. All I remembered what happened after that was telling myself I was ready, I knew it was coming, Then it came, I was broken for almost a full circle of year, I wasn't ready.

You came along, filled up the empty spaces, fixed my broken pieces, put up with all the bullshit I thrown to you, put up with my 'awesome-ly' behavior & attitude. Someone told me seeing each other every day will drive us up the wall for getting bored & annoyed of each other. Amazing how I see you almost everyday, & I never felt a single bit a tired, sick, annoyed and definitely not bored of you. You're so perfect, in my eyes. as chessy as all this sounds, it is the truth. And, I maybe sometimes(okay, all the time) I overthink, is because I am not willing to lose you. I don't want to let go, and I don't want you to let go either.

I am going to pick up my phone, reply your goodnight text & text you again, and tell you that I love you so darn much. Tell you I'm sorry I acted this way tonight, because I simply miss you so much. And I wished I could do something about it. But I know I can't. I love you.

A photo of yourself a year ago-

This is me a year ago, well not literally, that was about 3 days I've just broken up with my ex. In about the mid of February 2010, at Eng Hoe's Chinese New Year's party. I remember feeling like I'm about to die at that time of the year, really no joke. I was at the party and every one I knew had a partner cuddling up to them while I am just there playing cards, drinking beer out of a can, eating fried cocktail sausages & just staring. I remember how I couldn't take the image and the pain, I left. That fluffy thing right there, HER name is Naomi. I personally like this shot because of my hair, not because I have unbelievable slanted eyes due to the flash. That smile, was hard to pull.

2 more days, I can hardly wait. I need you.

I miss you like fuck :(

Everything just seem to be out of place when you're not around.

Please come home.

Most day from my 3months holiday while waiting for my SPM results was filled with John. I finally decided to look for a job yesterday, I know like finally, right?

My face definitely wasn't as happy as the picture above. It was only a start from me. Other than slacking about, this week, 6 days straight I've been spending my time & day with John. I can't imagine how much I'll miss him when he takes off to Hong Kong. Shiz. Good news about seeing him daily? One beer a day keeps the doctor away(wtf, haha)

Finally hiked after quite sometime today, it felt like hell. Later headed down to KLCC to Damai to get John's camera lens & then back to KLCC then to Pavillion. IT doesn't only stop there, it was his church after lunch and tried looking for Ampang Lookout Point and got lost so we ended up in Sunway Pyramid for dinner. I can't feel my legs and devils are definitely dancing on my eyelids right now.

John, is leaving tomorrow to be exact & the truth, I'm not sure why there's a huge feeling inside me that tells me I'm not ready to let him leave and my heart is just going to sink under, & I'd just burst out in tears like a baby.

I love you to bits, Happy 3 months, pretty boy.

Before you know it, today is the 1st of January, year 2011. It was just yesterday when It was December 2010. This time last year, I was scare as hell to go back to school knowing I'm gonna be a candidate for my SPM examination. From that point I would think of what, who and how I would be this time, this year. For all that you know, I haven't changed much but I did. I've never been better than I am now.

I actually do like my life right now, I like how everything is and am. Just maybe a little here & there that I don't but I could move on from there and despite the fact I'll be turning eighteen in fourteen days, I actually want to stay seventeen forever. Everything that could possibly happen has happened this year. Falling apart, breaking up, making up, falling out, falling in, love, hate, trust, meeting new people, recover, screwing up- yeah this is one big part of my life when I had the most fun and I'll definitely keep in heart and most of all, I survived.

Year 2010 started off a little rough for me, I was single & my parents were fighting. I remember hating how my year started so much. When it was close to my birthday, I like how things were again, I had my friends by my side, my family settled back down & I had- what I thought then, my everything back in my arms. Everything was just how I wanted it to be, everything in my life was, happy.

Things started going out of hand all over again ever since my mother left to Thailand with her friends & he started college. When mother got home on the 28th February, I was no longer taken. From then on wards, I was just like a girl in a coma. I wasn't myself no longer, I've gotten skinnier, I fell back in my studies, I started skipping classes, I started smoking a lot. For day til night, my friends have to ut me to bed without failing to ask me to stop crying.

From then on wards, I wanted to move on but eventually I became a screw up. Things didn't worked for me. Everything was a mess. But along the way, I learnt to let go, I've also came to learn that somehow sometimes no matter how much I hate my friends, they'd be there for me in need for so much, always trying the best to cheer me up & to learn that what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger, was a true fact.

Along the way, I still manage to have fun by doing what I'm not suppose to. Like sneaking out & getting caught, jumping into the swimming pool at four in the morning with clothes on, jumping on my couch up and down while dancing to Gypsy by Shakira half naked with unfinished beer bottles and run down make up, chasing after a cab we called, got kicked out of the cab and had to walk under the hot sun, having to sit in the wrong train heading to the wrong place at 10PM at night and getting slapped on the face by Matthew's birthday cake are one of the best-est things I've done.

Then so it came down to the point where I told my self I'll give myself a break from falling in love. 4 months ago, this guy that I was introduced to was named John at my party. Remembering we did not talk much on my party and only started new conversations 2weeks after brought him to be my boyfriend today.

This was the year where it was my senior year. I mange to graduated and be in good terms but not forgetting it was the first 3times being at detention corner & I sat for one of the most important exams of my life as a high school student. After all those stay ups, last minute studies, coffee, redbull & slapping myself to stay awake, I finally finished high school.

At this state, I love how everything is, not literally but most of it. Friends that I know I would love and cherish for long, family & my boyfriend. They never fail to somehow make me smile even if they're my worst enemies at times.

Ending my 2010 year post with a cup of orange juice in my eco friendly cup & wishing everyone a Happy new year.

It was from unexpected to sad to angry to a happy ending I think I deserve, Happy new year guys. Year end entry, tomorrow. For real. Hope this year would be a better one for me and the world. Can you believe it 2011 already? Time really flies, doesn't it.