I am not sure if I am feeling worse and worse everyday. But I know one thing for sure, I can't say it out though it would make me feel better. I'm the type of person who would only say things needed to say, why do I say the things I say, sometimes it can hurt you in the heart that you & I wished I would just shut up. I say the way I feel and I am helpless because that is all I want to do, only I can help myself and I'm not willing to. I want to spread it all out but it wouldn't make things better because you wouldn't careless anyway. One fact that I do not like about myself, I am the type of girl who expects way too high from reality, I hate people who changes their mind about something so constant its like a habit to them. A second its this, and when you tend to pull me in so deep into your pills, you decided to turn things around from what you were before. A friend once said, "put 50 cents into your piggybank everytime you think of it" & I think If I've done that, I would have more than a hundred bucks now. Then another decided to ask me "why can't I just take back my heart, it's not that hard you know?", yeah its harder when it's missing. And one relative asked me, "what is it you're so afraid of? falling in or out of love?", fullstop.

I think its better if I knocked myself down and never to get back up, if crying could make me forget. I wished I would cry to sleep everynight. Irene, please bring yourself back to life.